they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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