Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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