I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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