Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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