best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want to make out with him forever
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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