He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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