Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
