the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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