I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
