I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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