So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
