i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
