I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
