I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
