I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
