she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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