i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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