I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
