hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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