rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
