I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
