WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Randomize
