You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
