I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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