My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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