a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
