For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
