I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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