please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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