So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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