I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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