my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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