You smell like a Billy Joel song
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
