i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
