Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
