So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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