Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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