i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
