I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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