I am full of burrito and curiosity
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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