just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
