I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
