no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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