and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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