i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
