I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
