If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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