so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
