If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize