Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
