I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you had me at cake vodka
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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