I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
