Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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