Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
