The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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