if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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