I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ugly people sure do ruin things
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
