Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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