We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He called his prostate his "boner button".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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