Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
