How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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