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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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