I wish I could punch you in the face.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
