I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
