smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
