Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
