I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
