your parents love me but you hate me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
