a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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