Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
