Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize