Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
