y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
