Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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