Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
