it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We are all done wearing pants today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
