I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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