She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
