is your mom at the bar?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
