Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are a genius and a whore.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I did not marry a roomba.
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