i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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