soooo we both peed the bed last night...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
