Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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