You really coming over, don't trick.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A+ Viking dick
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
