I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
