put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
