I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
