ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
