The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
